My Secrets - GerPan
by Anidii
Summary: Ludwig Beilschmidt was born with a very rare mutation, that he's been trying to keep a secret for eleven years. So much has been going on he finds it harder and harder to keep anything a secret now. What will happen when he tells his best friend, Kiku Honda, about his condition? What will happen when he tells his parents about his homosexuality?
1. Chapter 1

Ludwig turned off the shower and grabbed his towel. Letting the soft fabric run down his body, he stepped out and stood in front of the mirror above the sink. He rubbed his back with the towel and immediately winced. It felt like something was crawling out of his back. Ludwig threw off the towel and reached around to touch his itching back. He began to panic. 'What's happening? I'm only eight years old and I already have a disease' he thought.

His hands were wandering down his shoulders when he felt two bumps. Turning his back towards the mirror he let out a very high pitched scream. There were two small wings that sprouted right next to his shoulder blades.

"Ludwig? What's wrong?" his mother called from behind the door.

"Nothing!" he lied, wrapping himself up in the towel as if she could see through the door.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"OK then..." he listened for his mother's footsteps to disappear completely before turning towards the mirror.

"I...I have...w-wings?"

Ludwig had his school uniform laying on his bed for when he came out of the shower. He walked in, and closed the door behind him. As he stood in front of the mirror in his room he wrapped a conforming bandage around his back, pulling his wings close. They had gotten much bigger over nine years. Ludwig was seventeen now, and it was getting more difficult to keep this secret from everyone. He longed to tell his best friend Kiku, but he was afraid of how he would react. 'Who wouldn't be afraid of someone with such a mutation' he thought.

Half of him was sure they would still be friends. Although, for a while now, he had wanted to be more than friends with him. Kiku Honda was a handsome, smart, introverted boy from Japan. Ever since seventh grade he new he felt something more for him. They shared every class together, played online games together, texted, and pretty much told each other everything. They only had each other as friends. There was another Italian boy named Feliciano that used hang out with them from time to time, but they would unintentionally exclude him so he started hanging out with others.

Ludwig was scared to tell him that he was gay and actually in love with him. Ludwig was scared to tell Kiku that he actually had wings. Ludwig was scared to tell him his biggest secrets. 'He's my best friend. My only friend. I should tell him.'

He was so, so, so very afraid but he just had too. He needed to get something off his back other than his wings.

But, it wasn't like he hated his wings. They came in handy a bunch. When no one was looking, at least. Several times a week he would go out at midnight just to fly. It's just that they were a big pain when trying it to hide it from the public.

Ludwig was a little relieved when he promised himself that he'd tell Kiku. At least someone would know.

It was after school at the Honda residence.

The duo had finished their homework and were watching a favorite anime of Kiku's. Ludwig grabbed the remote and paused the T.V.

"Oi! It was getting to the good part," the raven haired boy complained.

"I know, I know. I've seen this anime too you know. Anyway I have something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

Ludwig's heart beat quickened.

"Well... more like show you something," he replied, shaking hands starting to undo the buttons on his uniform.

"Ludwig I know you're super muscular already. You don-"

"That's not it!" he snapped, a blush rising to his cheeks.

"Then what?"

"Be patient. Let me show you."

Finally he shrugged his shirt off revealing his bandaged chest and back.

"Um, I don't feel like seeing your scar Lud..."

"You see... It's not a scar, Kiku." He furrowed his brows at that. There was one thing that the Japanese man hated. Liars.

"What?"

Instead of replying he started undoing the bandages and turned around. His eyes focused on the anime character on the screen that was now in front of him. He stopped midway, rethinking everything. Maybe he shouldn't. Kiku would hate him.

"You know never mind I sh-"

"No. Keep going." he gave that unreadable stare he used when he was deadly serious.

He turned around to face him, and finished taking off the bandages. It was a relieving feeling, but at the same time horrifying. There was no going back now.

Ludwig found turning around the hardest thing to do at the moment. He was shaking, nearly sweating. Ever so slowly, he turned his muscular figure back towards the T.V. and stretched out his wings for Kiku to see.


	2. Chapter 2

I watched as Ludwig turned his beautiful muscular figure around again. I swear I could stare at his muscles all day, longing to be held close to them. I barely had any time to think before he stretched out his wings.

Wings.

wINGS.

IS THIS AN ANIME? SOME CHEESY FANFIC? IS LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT AN ANGEL? I KNEW IT. SOMEONE THIS PERFECT CAN ONLY BE AN ANGEL.

"Oh my Kami. You're even more beautiful."

"What?" Ludwig blushed.

"Oh, um, nothing. It's just that, um- They're beautiful."

"Seriously?"

What kind of question was that?

"Of course. Um, can I touch them?"

"Uh, sure."

This is so awkward. I'm so awkward.

I ran my hands along his stark white wings. They were the softest things I've ever touched. This German was already handsome with his actually cute personality, soft, smooth, muscled skin. And to top that off he has wings. Hai. Definitely and angel.

"So, are you an...angel or something?"

"No-well... I don't know. Probably not."

"Wow. This is... I have no words..." my hands traced down his back, running up his shoulders. I felt him shiver under my touch as I rested my head agaisnt him.

"Kiku?" I snapped out of my daze and removed myself from him. I barely ever got to see him shirtless. I remember the times when I was embarrassed to see him like that. He's tried to refrain from doing so since then, but little does he know I love it every time he does. Nowadays that is.

"Ah, gomen," I said awkwardly. Have I become more touchy? Is it too much? Will he push me away?

"No, it's fine," Wait, really?

"How long have these been here?"

"Since I was eight. So nine years."

"Wow. And I thought these were scars," I brought my hands up to touch them again, but he turned back towards me. My hands landed on his chest and they lingered a bit. I looked up at him as he stared at my hands. It was as if I couldn't move my hands. Honestly I didn't want to. Only when he brought his large hands to touch mine did I jump back.

"Well, I finished my homework and stuff so, um, I should go." he said picking up his shirt.

"Oh, um, OK," I replied dumbly. Why am I so awkward? This is just getting harder to repress. Hai, that's it. Nothing is happening. Nothing is going to happen. Just repress your feelings more. It will be fine, better even, that way.

Hai - Japanese for 'yes'


	3. Chapter 3

I was sure my heart was going to explode. Just jump out of my chest and fly away. This meant something, right? He's become more touchy, but there's something else. I just can't put my finger on it.

He acts like he's afraid of something, almost. When my hands touched his he leaped back.

I walked into my bedroom, and threw my backpack on the floor, nearly knocking a picture of me and my older brother (Gilbert) off the dresser. He'd left for college already. He's the only one that knows I'm gay and have a huge crush on Kiku. But he doesn't know about the wings.

"Ludwig! Dinner's ready!" my mother called from downstairs.

Like a turtle, I walked down the stairs slowly, lost in thought.

"Ludwig! Beeile dich!" That caught my attention. It was my father. Probably the most homophobic person I've known. Though we got along better than him and Gilbert, it was nerve wracking from time to time when he talked about homosexuals in such an offensive way.

"I'm coming!" I called back.

Once we were all seated, we prayed and ate in a peaceful silence. Before I knew it I was lost in thought again.

"You OK?" mom asked me. I nodded.

"Come on. Tell me what's on your mind."

"There's nothing on my mind."

"Ludwig. Answer your mother." My father stared at me.

"It's nothing," I looked between the both of them, "I swear." I must've sounded harsh or something because my father stared at me for a while after that.

Beeile dich - Hurry up

I peeked beyond the bathroom door, looking for anyone walking in the hallway. I crept quietly back to my room with a towel wrapped around my waist, hoping feathers wouldn't fall from my angelic wings.

I slept with the bandage around my chest just in case someone decided to barge into my room and wake me up. Although my parents trusted me enough and respected my privacy (most of the time).

The next day was just like any other. Wake up, take a quick shower, eat a little bit, go to school, try to concentrate and not stare at Kiku, eat lunch, more school, go to Kiku's, go home, eat, shower, and, sleep. Only this time Kiku wanted to see and feel my wings again. I wondered what would happen if his mother just happened to walk in.

My father was still as homophobic as usual.

"I can't believe it. What has this country come to?" my father asked no one in particular.

"What happened?" I asked.

"They legalized gay marriage across the whole country of America!" he spat.

"Really?" I asked, sounding a bit too excited.

"Yes! This is horrifying to say the least!"

"No it isn't," The words came out before I could stop them. My heart beat immediately sped up and my palms stated to sweat.

"How could you say that? Are you a freak like them? Huh? A little fucking fairy?" My heart felt like it was in my throat. My hands were shaking uncontrollably.

"I am."

Utter silence.

My father stood there, a mix of anger, shock, and betrayal on his face.

"How? This isn't good Ludwig. There's something wrong with you."

"Nothing is wrong with me!"

"Shut your mouth when I'm speaking to you! I didn't raise a disgusting subhuman like you!" he yelled.

I tried to suppress my tears and fear but my voice was still shaky, "I am not a subhuman. I'm completely normal!"

"JUST SHUT UP AND GO TO YOUR ROOM, FAGGOT!" He slapped me across the face hard. I ran up the stairs trying my hardest not to fall.

By the time I got to my room I was already sobbing. I shoved my head in my pillow, trying my hardest not replay those terrible words my father had just screamed at me over and over in my head. I dug my nails into my scalp, hating the world, hating my father, and hating myself for being so dumb. I stared at my nightstand drawer where I kept one single razor. I promised myself that I would never cut again, and I didn't... for a couple of years. Grabbing my phone I decided to call Kiku, not caring at the moment that I was still crying.

"H-hey Kiku." I sniffled.

"Lud? Are you crying? What happened? Who hurt you, and are you okay?"

"My father."

"...Seriously?" he asked rather harshly.

"Yeah..." there was a long silence before I heard him sigh sadly.

"What happened?" This is it. I can't believe I haven't told him before.

"I-I'm, um well," There was a lump in my throat. I know for sure Kiku won't hate me. Why is it still so hard? "I'm gay, Kiku. I accidentally told my really homophobic dad, and now he probably wants to kill me."

"Oh... Well I don't want to kill you. The only person I want to kill is your dumm ficken of a father," I almost laughed at his use of a few German curse words I taught him. "Want to come over?"

"Yeah. That'd be great actually," I quickly checked the time. 9:51. "I'll just fly over."

"Wait, really?" Kiku asked, but I had already put the phone down.

I ripped my shirt and the bandages from around me and opened the window letting the cool breeze hit my bare skin. I barely managed to get through the window. It was much easier when I was a skinny 8-year-old.

I sat on the ledge of my window sill staring down at the green grass below. I stepped out onto a short ledge on the side of the house and continued my way up to the roof. Once I was there I instantly regretted my decision. Even on the roof it wasn't that high. If I failed I would fall flat on my face and break a few bones. I stepped back a few feet and crouched down, resting the tips of my fingers on the roof. 'This was such a bad idea' I thought to myself, 'Dear God, If I die, tell big bruder that I'm sorry I crushed his pet bird with my bike, and tell mother and father that I'm sorry I "made a scene" at the toy store because you wouldn't buy me that figurine.'

3...2...1

I took off faster than I ever had before. I could feel a foreign feeling in my chest, my wings were thrashing without me even thinking about it. I wasn't even at the end of the roof when I could no longer feel it beneath me. It felt as if my wings were getting larger with every push.

I didn't even notice I had closed my eyes. When they were finally open I nearly shrieked at how high I was. I pushed the fear away the best I could and tried to admire the great view. Not everyone gets such a marvelous one. Ja. I could get used to this.

Since then I've learned how to simply take off from my window or fly straight upwards from the roof. I spotted Kiku's house below me and made a fairly sharp dive downwards. I slowed and flapped my wings enough to where I was still flying, but in one place, right in front of Kiku's window. Thank God his was bigger than mine.

I nearly lost my balance when I noticed Kiku stared at me with beautiful, brown, awe filled eyes.

"Wow," he mouthed. I chuckled and motioned for him to open the window.

"Hallo."

"Kon'nichiwa."


	4. Chapter 4

Ludwig had to be an angel. The way he flapped his beautiful wings as he flew towards me was breathtaking to say the least. He pulled his wings closer to him (and they shrunk a bit) enabling him to get through my window.

"Did anyone see you?" I asked still wide eyed from the sight of Ludwig flying.

"No one's outside at this time. At least in this neighborhood," the blonde stretched his wings out a little once he was fully in my room. Before admiring them a bit more I embraced him in a warm hug.

"I'm so sorry he said those things to you. He has no idea what he's talking about," the muscles in Lud's arms were obviously tense. I never did hug him much, and neither did he. He respected my personal space.

"Thanks Kiku." before he could wrap his arms around me I pulled away.

"You don't need to thank me, really. I know how you feel." I got quiet at the last part, but knowing Ludwig he would definitely hear me. I saw him out of the corner of my eye look up at me with a mix of confusion and almost hope.

"Wait...are you...saying your-" I nodded before he could finish.

"I told one boy back in Japan that I thought I could trust. He bullied me the whole rest of the school year. Verbally and physically." I confessed.

"Oh."

"Yeah... Anyway what are you going to do now?"

"I have no idea, honestly. If I go back there who knows what'll happen. He already slapped me. Knowing him, he will do much worse."

"You could stay here." I offered.

"I'd love too, but if my father finds out where I was or even if I wasn't home he'll kill me."

"Well...you could stay for a little bit right?"

"Um, ja I guess."

We settled on my large bean bag and decided to play video games. Ludwig was sure we were going to wake my parents up, but I assured him that as long as he whispered nothing would happen. I had forgotten that Lud was a terrible whisperer.

He had won the round and let out a rather loud shout. I laughed at him acting so childish, but then I remembered my sleeping family. A door opening could be heard down the hall. The blonde jumped up and ran towards the window. I stopped him right when he got there. I didn't know why but somehow it felt right.

"What is it?" he asked. I didn't even know the answer, so without thinking I leaned up and kissed him lightly on the cheek. He stared back at me in surprise, a light blush on his cheeks.

"What are you waiting for? Go!" snapping back to reality he jumped out of the window and flew down the street.

"Kiku!" my mother hissed, "Go to bed!"

"Hai." I obeyed, crawling back into bed.

Just before I finally fell asleep I wondered what Ludwig's father would do to him. It pained me to think about it. Why did these thoughts have to come up when I actually want to sleep?

"Don't let him hurt you Lud." I whispered to myself.


	5. Chapter 5

I slowly crept back into the house through the window. I looked around my room for any sign that someone may have been there.

Nothing.

Grabbing some bandages from my desk drawer, I wrapped my wings in them again. I flopped down on my bed and sighed. What would dad do? What would mom do when he told her? I guess I'll just have to wait and find out.

The next morning went I went downstairs for breakfast I could practically feel the tension with my bare hands. Silence carried on throughout the morning until my mom finally asked why my father and I were being so quiet. Looks like he didn't tell her after all.

"It's nothing dear," my father said, faking a smile.

"Don't lie, Sebastian. I know something's wrong," she crossed her arms as she spoke, "You and Ludwig have been awfully quiet the whole morning!"

"Ludwig's queer, Marie!" he exclaimed. My mother's eyes widened and looked at me with disappointment. "I didn't tell you because I didn't think you could live with the shame."

I almost let out a sob at that, but I had to be strong.

"...Ludwig? Is this true?" her sweet voice was now laced with disgust. I nodded while trying to keep my face down. I couldn't let them see I was crying. But I thought too soon.

"Look at that! The fairy's already crying." I stood up and quickly made my way to my room. Or at least I tried.

My dad grabbed me by the back of my shirt and flung me backwards. I didn't have time to catch myself, so I hit my hard on the side of the table.

"Get up," my dad spat. I tried,but the pain in the back of my head my burning. "I said get up you faggot!" I slowly made myself stand only to be knocked back down by my father's strong punch. My mom flinched but didn't make a move to stop him.

He kicked my back just where my wings were and I made a cry of pain. I made a few efforts to get up and run, but every time I tried he'd either punch me again or kick me in the ribs. I thought It would never end until I heard the door open. The person's signature laugh echoed through the house.

"Hallo familie! I'm back for Christmas break, so let's get this party started!" he stopped laughing once he got to the kitchen.

"Bruder?" I could barely say the words.

"Oh my God. Ludwig what-" Gilbert choked.

"You never told us when you'd get back Gilbert," my dad said as if everything was all right.

"I-I wanted it to be a s-surprise." he stared at me the whole time as he said it. I noticed his hands shaking. I suddenly thought about how bloody my face must look. He dropped his backpack and ran to me. Getting on his knees I finally noticed the tears in his eyes.

"What do you think you're doing?!" he yelled at our father. "And you! You're just standing there letting him kill your son!" he turned towards our mother.

"Get away Gilbert. He's gay." said our father harshly.

"I know that! I've known for quite some time too! Just because he prefers people of the same gender doesn't mean you can beat him like this!

"It's unnatural Gilbert! It's against the will of God! It terrifies me that my son chose to do this."

"It's not a fucking choice dad! He was born like that! Just like I was born attracted to both men and women!" Out of the corner of my eye I saw our dad kick Gilbert square in the nose. He fell right next to me.

"Gil, it's OK. I'll be fine" I whispered.

"No, Ludwig. I'll hold him off you run." he jumped up and punched him. "Run, Lud! Now!"

And I did.


	6. Chapter 6

I ran as fast as I possibly could. My face, chest, stomach...everything just hurt so much. The only thing that felt fine were my wings. My father had kicked them without even knowing, yet they felt completely normal. For a split second, I thought of how people would react if they saw me flying. I shoved that thought to the back of my head and tore of my shirt along with the bandages.

I had never took off straight from the ground much, so it would be a bit of a challenge. With fists and jaw clenched, I shot straight upwards with one single thrust of my wings. Right when I did so I noticed the people staring through the windows, the woman walking her dog, and the man to the left of me who stood gaping. Of course, I didn't care.

I wanted to get out of here. Let off some steam where no one can stop me. Get my father's words and my mother's look of disappointment out of my mind. I headed straight for the forest. Me and Kiku would walked through this forest every weekend.

I dived down through the trees, and amazingly didn't hit a single one of them. I guess that ability came with the wings. Despite my great maneuvering skills I had a terrible landing. That made me even more angry.

I stumbled over a rather large tree and decided to take my anger out on it. I only stopped when it fell over.

"Wait, what?" I whispered to myself, cocking my head to the side.

I had only punched it three times before it tumbled over, destroying a few other small trees in the process.

"So super strength comes with the wings to?" I looked up at the sky. "You could have told me that before my dad beat the shit out of me!" My voice cracked. I suddenly noticed that I was extremely thirsty. I knew of a river near the main path through these woods. I started towards it.

When I got there I bent down to take a sip, and was startled by my own reflection. I felt like crying again, but what's the use in that? My lip was busted. I had several cuts and practically my whole face was black and blue. How did I not feel that pain now? A cold chill was sent down my spine as I touched my face.

Drink

A voice whispered to me. It was as smooth as the wind, yet as old as time. The wind picked up and leaves flew everywhere.

Drink

The voice persuaded. I didn't completely trust this voice yet, but something was urging me to do it. I took the smallest of sips and was overcome with a feeling, that to this day I cannot describe, but I will try my best.

It was like I was being reborn almost.

A surge of life was shot through my veins. I closed my eyes in bliss. I felt all my cuts and bruises fade away. I forgot everything for just a second. When it was over I felt good as new.

I took a few more sips and eventually jumped in. It was cold, but that didn't matter.

I felt more alive than I ever had.

How could this be happening? I haven't even been in college for that long and my family is already killing each other. I ran up to my old room and slammed the door. 'Get away Gilbert! He's Gay.' the words rang in my head.

I was outraged at my parents to say the least. I looked through the window and at the forest not to far from the house. I could sense that Ludwig was there.

Yes.

I could sense where he was from a very long distance.

Yes.

I have supernatural powers like my brother. I'm not sure what his are, but I know he has some. I've always noticed him try to hide something.

I pushed the window open and jumped out, and ran. No I don't have super speed, but I do have a lot of stamina. Down the sidewalks, past a woman walking her dog and a few people staring through windows, I ran to him. My sense told me he couldn't be too far away once I got to the forest trail.

I stopped under a tree and looked around. I silently thanked the trees for their shade. The sun was high in the sky and it was very humid. I didn't take my sunglasses or coat, so it hurt my eyes and skin a bit. Yeah, having albinism isn't easy. My crimson eyes weren't just because of my albinism, though. I also have super awesome eyesight.

I heard a few splashes and laughter from behind me. He must be in the river! I ran towards it and almost fell forward when I saw Ludwig. I was right about him having a mutation, but WINGS? Unbelievable. The rarest mutation of all is wings. If any other powers came with that I'm going to cry.

He was talking to what looked like a spirit of some sort. Those like to dwell in this forest. Well, many things like to dwell in this forest. This forest is the center of all this mutation business.

How do I know so much about this forest you ask?

I'll explain later.


	7. Chapter 7

These things of the forest freaked me out a bit at first, but it turns out that they're harmless. They were soft and gentle... I felt safe here. The spirits that I normally would have made and unmanly scream at seemed to be the most normal thing I'd even seen. They danced around my head and sang a familiar tune. The water was cool and felt nice on my skin. I could probably stay here forever.

"You can't," I jerked around to find my brother walking towards the river. The spirits disappeared.

"Can you read my mind?" I jokingly asked him.

"Kesese. Unfortunately, no. You actually said that out loud. I do have super senses, though."

"You're joking right? Because I was."

"Nope. Me and you both have mutations. You have a more rare one though. In fact, it's the rarest. No fair," he whispered the last part.

I was confused. Very confused. Gilbert had mutations this whole time? How?

"How long have you known?" Ludwig asked, stepping out of the water.

"About your mutation? I only found out a few minutes ago."

Gilbert stepped into the river and let it heal his injuries. I watched in awe. Maybe only people with a special power could heal themselves here.

"That's right."

"So you can read my mind!"

"Nah, you just said that out loud again. But you are right. Only people like us can heal here."

"How did we get like this?" I sat down on a nearby rock. I felt that if I didn't I may fall down.

"Well, our mother - she grew up in a small house in this forest. She ran around with her siblings everyday after school. One day she didn't watch where she was going and hit a tree. It gave her a big gash on her arm-"

"-The one on her arm?"

"Yes. There was blood on the tree. It was hers, but also the tree's. Some of it got into her DNA, and, when we were born, it was in ours too. Totally awesome, right?"

"Sure... I guess. How do you even know any of this?" Gil sat down next to me.

"I was playing here a while back and met this old guy. He had silver-gray hair, like me. He started asking me weird questions like 'Do you know the truth about this forest, young boy?' and shit like that. I ignored him and ran away. I tripped on a rock, and started crying, though. It wasn't awesome at all. The old guy came and took me to the river. While I was staring amazed at my cuts closing up he told me about everything. I figured he was mom's dad. He looked a lot like her."

"I thought she told us he died," Ludwig frowned in confusion. Gilbert simply shrugged. We stared up at the sky in thought. The sun was starting to set, and Gilbert was fixing to head back. "So where are you gonna go? You can't stay with our parents.

"I'll go back, get my things, and just leave," Gil sighed and frowned, "I was really looking forward to hanging out with you guys, but I guess not," He stood up and began to walk away.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Don't be."

I watched him leave, his stride the same as always: confident. I guess I'll just stay here. I extended my wings and flew swiftly upwards to rest on a tree branch. The colors of the sunset were even more hypnotizing from up here. The purples, oranges and blues mixed to create the perfect blend. The wind blew across my cheek like a gentle kiss. Oh. Kiku kissed me on the cheek. That means something, right? Of course is does. People don't just come out to you and then kiss you on the cheek. I think.

 **A/N:** It's been a long time since I last updated this story, so sorry if the tone is a little different.


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